I’m not trying to be unkind, truly
It would’ve been painful title loans Illinois for both of you, but you’d have been able to do what you needed to do without guilt and she’d have been able to have the kind of relationship that she needs without guilt as well. . ”
But someone who isn’t ready to transition on their own, if they have to, isn’t ready to transition at all, and in that case, the “it’s either this or suicide” isn’t a statement of fact, it’s just a dramatic pronouncement intended to guilt a partner into staying in what for them is an untenable situation.
And it is untenable: a heterosexual woman wants a man, and that’s the one thing we can’t be. We can look the part and even act the part, but it’s not real, and we know it and they know it. It’s painful to have to leave someone you love because you’ll never be able to give them everything they need and deserve. Believe me, I know. But if you do love them, you want them to have the same freedom to be their best selves that you want for yourself, even if it means it’s going to cost you, even if it means it’s going to cost you what you don’t think you can bear to lose. It’s a hard thing to accept, but the truth is that being transgender doesn’t give us a licence to use people: we have no special right to keep people with us by letting them hope that things will go back to the way they were or convincing them that love means limiting themselves and their lives so that we don’t have to limit ourselves or our lives.
I suspect what happened is that you went on with your transition and kept her hanging on through a combination of threats – “If I don’t get to do this, I’ll kill myself” – and good old emotional blackmail – “If you don’t stay with me, you’re a horrible person
I hope your wife was delighted to stay with you or that you loved her enough to make the hard choices. If you didn’t, please don’t refer to yourself as a woman. A woman is an adult, and adults know they don’t have the right to take up years of someone else’s life simply because they don’t want to be alone.Read More »I’m not trying to be unkind, truly